Early First Quarter, and Not So Super: Unwatchable Political Football Courtesy of Team-GOP
While Gov. Mario Cuomo was reliably sharp and memorable when he told us ‘one campaigns in poetry but governs in prose,’ the early going in the first quarter of our Second Term Democracy Bowl may have many already yearning for the sweet diversion of those fabulous ads and a swell, horribly produced half-time show with potential partial nudity.
Besting the former New York Governor in the poetry of motion and emotion, the President turned in an amazing inaugural day performance with his first series; elegant, tight spirals to numerous receivers, poise in the pocket and the courage to bring it. He even went so far as to restate and defend the very purpose of government, as if that’s a discussion an industrialized power still needs to have in the 21st Century.
And then the yellow flags began to fly as discipline, honor and fair play went out the window along with the baby and the bathwater.
Roughing the Passer
While the President’s beautiful signal calls were still echoing down the streets of DC in phrases like ‘we do not believe that in this country, freedom is reserved for the lucky, and happiness for the few,’ the boo-birds of Fox and the rest came shrieking out of a red sky. ‘The most partisan and divisive inaugural address in living memory,’ sniped journalist-referee Sean Hannity, and ‘a call to arms for the liberal agenda,’ echoed Fox analyst and never-played-the-game armchair quarterback Britt Hume. Dopey me, and I thought that far from being liberal, the POTUS was just making good on the promise already secured with billions in payroll tax dollars since 1937.
A mere 48 hours after kickoff, more savage treatment ensued when Sen. Ron Johnson (R-WI), who has yet to read his four-month-old Benghazi briefing book, and the good doctor Rand Paul (R-KY) decided to bum-rush a woman on her way home, trying to take Madam Secretary Clinton out of the scheduled 2016 season. Johnson is now a marked man with Secretary Kerry, and Paul’s ‘if I’d been President at the time’ remark may be the finest moment ever in fantasy football. Flags for roughing should have flown freely for both flagrancies.
Neutral Zone Infraction
In perhaps the most absurd display of sports sociopathy, the very day of the inauguration the Virginia State Senate voted to end 225 years of generally clean play to adopt a new ‘loser-still-wins’ rule for the GOP. Laying in wait until State Sen. Henry Marsh (D) crossed the Potomac to attend the festivities, the forces of unfairness passed a measure gerrymandering the State’s Electoral College system, 20-19, brazenly if tacitly declaring if you can’t beat ‘em, cheat ‘em.
Another scheme with origins deep in the minds of Karl Rove, Tom ‘Three Years’ DeLay and the dear Koch Brothers; the plan seeks to dilute the voting results of places where more people actually live in favor of supercharged voting from factory farm flyover states, unsatisfied with their mere Congressional and statehouse strangleholds. When concerns about Voting Rights Act violations were raised, VA Attorney General Ken Cucinnelli put a Nation at ease by revealing to all of us that we’ve ‘outgrown’ racism. The plan now appears at least temporarily benched by ‘purist’ stalwarts of sportsmanship like Governors John Kasich (R-OH) and Rick ‘Bait and Switch’ Snyder (R-MI), but this game isn’t over and there’s plenty of time left.
Heading into the actual ‘big game’ weekend, we were left with the spectacle of decorated Vietnam veteran and quintessential ‘reasonable man’ Chuck Hagel getting eye-gouged, groin-kicked and shin-barked by chicken hawks and one Sen. McCain. Unceremoniously denied the right to respond to ‘questions’ posed in the form of taunts and insults, Hagel’s offensive linemen stepped aside and permitted the pummeling as part of some secret long-term game plan yet to be revealed.
Indeed if the opening minutes are any indication, we may be in for four years of nearly unwatchable political football courtesy of Team-GOP, and we’ve no one to blame for that but ourselves.
That’s all for now, sports fans. Bring on Beyonce, and God Bless America. . .
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