It Must Be Fun To Be A Conservative
Imagine living in a world where you are always right, no matter what. Nothing that happened yesterday could ever affect how you feel today, and all principles work in your favor all the time. The Constitution is a stick you can beat people with, yet nothing in it ever constrains you in any way. Your political doctrine is enshrined in that document, as well as a denunciation of all other doctrines. Why is it so? Because you say it is! Nothing more is needed.
This is the fairy-tale world that conservatives live in, where they can say whatever they want, and any criticism is a violation of their 1st amendment rights. It must be nice, having God on your side all the time, even when you are supporting rapists, murderers, gun nuts, and various other terrorists, while they destroy the social fabric of our nation. To have truth on your side, even while telling the most obvious lies, to have the moral right on your side, even while selling America down the river for corporate profit. It must be nice.
The rest of us poor slobs must actually produce evidence to get people to believe us, but the conservative is immune to evidence. They don’t need it, don’t know what it is, and don’t accept it when offered. They get to judge all claims by one simple criteria: is this convenient for me at the moment, or is it not? All science is a liberal conspiracy, unless it’s the kind of “science” that says burning coal is fine and dandy, and makes the air cleaner as it burns.
All history, especially any time a conservative is quoted, is another liberal conspiracy. Like when Ann Romney claimed her husband was being subjected to attacks because people were quoting him. That lady has real courage to stand up for collective amnesia like that. And the fact that her husband’s opponent has been slandered mercilessly by liars, crackpots and racists? Pshaw, a liberal deserves what he gets, in their world. No “fact” can enter the bubble of unreality they have built up around themselves. They are immune.
They are conservatives who worship as their God the most liberal human being who ever lived, then they call us “humanists”. They wear bracelets that say WWJD? But they spend their days doing the exact opposite of what Jesus would do. The most important aspect of religion to them is the color and shape of the building you go to on Sunday mornings, before football starts. That, and they get to use religion the way they use the Constitution, as a club to beat people with. Obamacare makes them pay for their employees’ health plans that include contraception? No problem, they will just make up a new commandment telling them it’s OK to violate the law of the land and to impose their religion on others, and by the way contraception is not allowed. How simple! How convenient for them.
Being able to win all arguments just by showing up, that would be cool. Like the debates on the health care law, conservatives shut them down with threats and violence and racist distractions, then they claimed the law was pushed through without enough public debate about the “death panels” . I wish I could get away with stuff like that. Luckily there is a liberal-dominated media to expose all this stuff, right? Yeah, right.
In the book and movie Love Story, Erich Segal wrote, “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. Conservatives must be the world’s biggest lovers, because they never have to be sorry for anything. They said the UN inspectors were willing dupes of Saddam Hussein, since they didn’t find any of the WMD that were so obviously there. Wait, no WMD? No problem, no apology. That would be awesome, to slander people then just walk away.
One of these days I’m going to give up the hard work of being a progressive, the fact-checking, the learning, the application of principles I believe in even when they are inconvenient, having to live with the Constitution as it is, not the one I wish existed, it’s all very exhausting. No, someday I’m going to pull a Dick Morris, put my brains and my morals out to pasture, and just lie back on the chaise lounge of conservatism, and have the waiters keep the drinks coming. Won’t that be fun for me?